The pain! The pain!

I've been back at work for nearly a month and it is hard! I work as a Customs Officer so there is a lot of walking - airports are big places.

When I started back after 3 months off, I did 4 hours a day with a day off in between. Then I went to four hours one day and six hours the next. I'm now doing six hours a day for a shift of 6 days with 3 days off to recover. Next week I'm back to full hours. 

It's 17 weeks since my op and I was hoping to be feeling a lot better by now. When I was at home on sick leave I was doing brilliantly but now I'm back at work I'm going backwards! I limp really badly. I've read that I shouldn't (a similar problem to me) but I can't walk any other way. I wear big steel capped boots for work which should support my ankle but maybe they are too heavy and are putting stress on it. The problem is I cannot work if I'm not wearing them. I usually have pain sitting around 3-4 and always feel like my ankle needs clicking back into place. I can't get the pain down below this even with tramadol or naproxen (or both when I'm really desperate). I also can't take tramadol when I'm working.

Today I was doing stuff around the house and suddenly my ankle went up to 8 on the pain scale. I'm back to thinking an amputation sounds good 😆. It isn't swollen; it just felt like someone was trying to cut through it with a blunt pair of scissors. I had to sit down immediately. My husband got me my crutch, which I hadn't used since my cast was taken off. I hobbled upstairs and put it up. He suggested that I use both crutches and be non-weight bearing but when the foot is suspended it feels like it's just hanging by a thread of skin.

I've read a lot of accounts from people who have had the surgery in other countries and they seem to have a much longer time in casts and non-weightbearing. Everyone seems to have been in a cast, whereas I had the option of just being in a moonboot. I'm really nervous that I am doing damage or interfering with the healing because of my surgeon's quick return to weight bearing. It wasn't reassuring looking at the X-ray and being told it looks good but you can't really tell if it's fusing until the 6 month mark.

My work limits the aids I can use. I wasn't allowed back in a moonboot and I can't use crutches. Fortunately I'm able to do duties that involve sitting, avoiding the standing tasks. I'm feeling like I've lost myself really and wondering if it was a mistake to have the surgery. Ironically I am in so much more pain than I was presurgery and I am causing problems in other parts of my body because of the way the ankle forces me to move. My lower back often seizes up, my opposite hip that had had a steroid injection to reduce a bursitis is back to the same level of pain and difficulty lifting it and the cyst on the back of my opposite knee hasn't improved pain wise despite a steroid injection in it.

I tried contacting my surgeon to check up on whether I'm progressing normally but she was in theatre. Her receptionist said that she would pass on my message via an email that I sent but she doesn't appear to be the best with technology. I haven't heard anything and it's been a week so I'm going to have to chase it up, which I hate doing. The pain makes me irritable and I get more intolerant of people. I'm turning misanthropic and totally relate to Sartre's quote "Hell is other people."

So life is not being a bowl of cherries but I'll just keep hobbling along.

I’ve made it 4 years, 7 months and 4 days.

I’ve made it over four and a half years post calcaneal osteotomy. Four years were pain free but the arthritis started to win the battle. I’ve tried to brave it out because I don’t want to give up my ability to run. I was told when I had it performed that eventually I would need an ankle fusion.

I’m at that point, in fact way past that point but I don’t want to go down that track. For me the pros are far out weighed by the cons.

Ankle fusion or arthrodesis involves cleaning up the ankle joint and fusing the bones together with screws, plates and bone grafts. Sounds easy enough?

New York Marathon 2018

• Well, it means limited range of movement - I have two flash hip joint prosthesises so I can run so they’d be wasted.
• It can change how you walk which can lead to, you guessed painful arthritis in other parts of your ankles, knees and feet! 
• Recovery can involve 10-12 weeks in a cast. Mines my right side and we drive on the left hand side of the road so my right foot is responsible for the foot controls. Therefore no driving. I work odd hours and can’t take public transport so no work or pay for 3 months.

This is the only likely option if I use our public health system, as I did with the original surgery.

My surgeon also works in private so that gives me more options. She does ankle replacements. 

• It has a shorter recovery period - 3-6 weeks in a cast.
• You regain a wider range of motion. Apparently most people return to active lifestyles but that would depend on your definition of active lifestyle.
• Return to impact sport is rarely possible.
• Need to have little or no ankle deformity - who knows if the CO has made it so!

So this is better than fusion but still unlikely to let me run unless the surgeon is brave. I’m waiting to get an appointment. If I went down this road I’d want a mobile bearing replacement rather than fixed. I don’t even know if that’s an option in New Zealand.

So what do I want? At the moment, a sharp knife and a ton of local anathestic! It is the most pain I have experienced in my life and I have experienced some high level pain. I also have a very high pain tolerance level. Right now nothing even reduces the pain to tolerable. I am taking Naproxen, paracetamol and lots of tramadol and it’s like I’m eating lollies. I can barely walk. The lowest levels of pain occur when I’m wearing the steel cap boots I have to wear to work because it’s really rigid support. Still painful but at least I can carry out my job.

It is actually something I am considering (not the DIY method!) but seeing where non-traumatic amputation for severe osteoporosis-arthritis falls on the scheme of things. I have friends who are amputees so I know all about stump issues and prosthesis fittings being hit and miss but the pain is really driving me mad and not being able to run after all I’ve been through to guarantee I can continue to run after two hip replacements is making me want to scream “Chop it off and just shove a blade on it!” Plus there’s the whole leg length issue. I was lopsided when I only had one hip replacement and that caused back and hip pain until I was straightened out with the second one. I don’t want to go down that path again.

So I wait to see when I get an appointment - how much longer I have to suffer in pain. Then I will ask for ALL the possible options and see where that leaves me.